Well since you already made up your mind for me....

Can life get any more complicated? yea ok my dilemma is not that grand or anything but it's still causing a constant battle within me. I want a boyfriend just as much as the next girl, but the fact that I keep turnig down guys doesn't really help my cause.
There are three guys that are causing me a great deal of confusion in my already confusing life.

Guy1: Knew him since 8th grade, really sweet, we have a lot in common, gets me, and very attractive. Only see's me as a friend(the last time I checked).

Guy2: I met him when I moved to another state, after a few months he told me he liked me. He's pretty cool, hard to understand, can have a fun verbal spare, and seems to really like me. Not very attractive, and not what I am looking for in a guy.

Guy3: He is a big teddy bear, he is adorable, funny, really cool person to hang out with, and very out going.

I find myself thinking about Guy1 a lot, even though my pessimistic side tells me to get over it and take my chances with Guy2 because as of right now he seems sincere. Plus my sisters like him for me, and keep telling me we would be adorable together and that I should give him a chance. But I'm afraid that during that relationship I might meet someone who meets all the credentials I want in a guy. And Guy3 three meets not one credential but he's so cool and fun to hang out with even in the little time that I met him. And my other sister likes him for me and she also thinnks we look good together and agrees hes a big teddy bear. And the words of my sisters telling me everyday who I should pick really makes me think I should settle for something not near what I want to be 'happy'. But I can't make a boy go through that, It happened once and I vowed never to do that again.

So from day to day all three run in my head, one more so then the others, and it's racking my brain so I thought if I just let it out I'll get a peace of mind and at least some rest....hopefully.

Love At First Sight

I've heard this almost every where; in movies, books, and in real life. And when people say it I can't help but laugh.
'From the first time I saw you (insert name here) I knew I was in love'
Really? Is that even possible?
In my opinion there is no such thing as love at first sight. But there is such a thing as Lust at first sight. When you first see a person what do you notice? their hair, their eyes, their lips, their body. When you walk into a bar you don't turn to your friend and say 'hey look at the personality on that guy!' No! its more like 'Hey check out the hot guy standing at the bar'
Love at first sight doesn't exist. People usually fall in love once they get to know the person, see their personality and what they like about it, and how they make them feel when their with them. You can't get all that from a glance. And that's why some movies have it right. There's that geek boy who is infatuated with the popular girl in school and when he finally gets his date with her he sees her for who she really is and changes his mind.
Love at first sight seems like a sweet thing when you think about it, but then you realize the true way of deciphering it. But hey maybe I'm wrong and when people say it they do mean it.

Taking the low road and then a detour

I've never encountered something like I did earlier this week. Usually you see racism on the streets, I've seen it in stores where I would be followed until I give up and just leave the store or be continuously asked if i need help when I'm clearly capable of figuring out if I want a t-shirt that says 'Peace and Love' or one that says 'Rock Star' on it.
A couple of days ago I asked a question on YA (yahoo answers), it was a harmless question, all I asked was 'Do you randomly IM people?'. Now I asked this because on YA if you reach a certain level your yahoo aim address is shown for people to see. And I have recieved many random IM's. So I just thought it wold be an ok question to ask, kind of like a poll.
So later on that day I was checking my yahoo mail and a random IM popped up. And I'm not a mean person, if someone wants to talk I'll talk, I like meeting new people (which is a new depvelopment for me). So this guy, I forget his name now, he IM's me, and he seems pretty cool, and he was kind of flirtatious. Anyways were talking and learning a little bit about each other when I ask him what natonality he is (it doesn't really matter to me, I was just trying to get to know the guy) he says Italian, and I tell him I'm Haitian. Once he gets wind that I'm actually black he goes to say black skin is a turn off. Now at this moment I'm mad because that is an insult to me. But instead of rashing him I just say it's whatever everyone has their own prefrences (I have my own as well, but hey a guy is a guy to me). So I say bye, and then he says a comment that enrages me, so I go on a whirlwind of curse words and insults and basically tear him a new one. I could tell by the last few words he said he felt defeated and he said bye and signed off.
Now some people would say 'You go girl!' or 'He got what he deserved!' but by the end of the conversation I felt terrible. Instead of taking the high road (which was my intended plan) I stooped to his level, which didn't make me a better person, but made me just like him. In that ten minutes after the conversation ended my conscious was eating at me. Not only did I seem childish but I seemed racist with the few choice words that I said to him. And thats not me, I am not a racist and I never use swears to prove a point, I try to use the words that I learned in SAT prep not to long ago.
I felt like I should do something, something that would set things right in my heart and head. So I decided to write him a well thought out letter saying how the way he approached me was rude and that I shouldn't have said the choice words as I had because it made me seem like the type of person I am not, and that I wasn't writing the letter to get in his good graces (because he was being an ass nonetheless). I don't know if the guy read that letter, in fact I really don't care, I just had to get it off of my chest.
I have met some really nice white guys, some were really sweet and some were really good friends to me, but meeting that one guy almost made me change my mind about all of them. But I realized that all those guys that I knew had grown up and changed their views and this guy was just stuck in the stone age.