It's Been Awhile

I haven't written a blog in forever now, and i know no one reads this but for some reason its soothing to write all my thoughts out, as if its a diary of some sort. Well since last time my life has gotten even more complicated and stressful, or it would seem that way through my eyes. But isn't the life of a poor college student always stressful?

Mines is stressful to the point that I'm actually starting to lose my hair, or maybe I'm stressing out too much. People always say 'Stop stressing' If it were that easy, if I was able to tell my body 'dude stop stressing' I would with a quickness, I mean who wants to lose their hair? ever? but i think I'm making it work, hiding the back from everyone, I hope I hope I have them fooled.

Well I decided to write this entry before my class for the day. I had three finals this week and I'm pretty sure i failed and am gong to fail all of them. It's just that my mind has been all over the place. Mostly with confusion of some sort. Even sitting in complete silence trying to figure things out doesn't work anymore. And people aren't helping with my stress when they bring up things that cause me stress.

I've been sleeping a lot less, going to bed really late and waking up early to the point that i have to drag myself out of bed, and make an effort to care about the classes I have to go to. It's difficult to act as if you care, especially if you're trying to fool yourself. Like I have to tell myself over and over again that this is actually important and that I have to pay attention, take notes and study.

Have you ever had a moment where you've taken so much that you just want to drop down in a corner, rock back and forth until it all goes away? I have, it was my yesterday actually. If i had to take another test yesterday, after the two I had already taken, I would just collapse. Not a good thing at all. But as the saying goes 'Today's a new day'. It's kinda funny actually, yesterday me and my friend were talking about the saying 'life sucks and then you die' like nothing really good happens, it just sucks, sucks some more, and then the end comes and you die. Or the extent of the suckiness is what causes your death. Then we continued to say that the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off because we couldn't keep up with the bill because we had to pay for college, or that it was a dim flicker. But it's very true, life does suck and then you proceed to die, and the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off for me because I couldn't keep up with payments. That's how I see, there's not really much to look forward to you know? unless like me the little unimportant things excite you, like going home and making a new dish, wearing your favorite shirt, seeing your dog after a long day, getting your hair done, talking to that special someone. But after awhile will that be enough?

Well wish me luck on this test, and pray to God in heaven that I pass all my classes, Bye!